Margin Notes

What I Was Reading:

In Octopus Moon by Bobbie Pyron, Pearl summarizes her friendship with Rosie by naming all the ways Rosie knows her so well. She includes small, ordinary details, as well as fears and long-held dreams for the future, that she has shared with Rosie. Each line adds to a sense of closeness and trust. But at the very end of the passage, there is a shift. Pearl reveals that there is something significant that Rosie does not know. In just a few lines, the writer shows how a person can feel deeply known, and trust someone so much, and still be fearful of revealing something new about themselves.

Rosie
knows everything about me.
My favorite colors
and books
and TV shows
and songs.
She knows
I’m terrified of trampolines
and Ferris wheels.
She knows
I want to be a marine biologist
more than anything.

But Rosie does not know
about Dr. Jill

What I Notice the Writer Doing:

• The writer uses short lines and white space so each detail stands on its own.
• Small, specific details help us understand Pearl without explanation.
• Instead of listing information in one sentence, the writer lets the details unfold slowly, one line at a time.
• The repetition of “She knows” creates a sense of rhythm and reinforces how close Rosie and Pearl are.
• As the passage ends, the writer breaks from the pattern she has established.
• The final sentence names what Rosie does not know, standing in contrast to everything that comes before it.
• By placing this line on its own and saving it for the end, the writer allows the truth to land with impact.

Possibilities for Writers:

• Experiment with listing details across several short lines instead of combining them into a single sentence.
• Try repeating a phrase to build rhythm and show closeness or familiarity.
• Use specific, everyday details to reveal character.
• Consider saving an important or difficult truth for the end of a piece.
• Play with line breaks and white space to guide the reader’s attention.
• Write about something many people know about you and then explore something they don’t.